Added: Stephen Levingston - Date: 03.01.2022 00:15 - Views: 27256 - Clicks: 776
My year-old daughter has never been married but has had relationships with men and women. My daughter is having a good time but knows that the relationship is going nowhere. I feel she is not thinking clearly and is not valuing herself.
One of the hardest aspects of being a parent is recognizing that your children are their own people, and that no matter how differently you see things—or how much you want to protect them—they get to make life choices of their own. Right now, your proposed strategy for communicating your concern and love for your daughter is through punitive action boycotting her boyfriend.
Until you do as I wish, I will withhold something important to you. Instead, it shows a need to exert control, to erase her personhood from the equation. What she tells you may be hard to hear. Perhaps in an ideal world, she would love to have children, but she may feel that that is not a likely path for her right now. If she eventually meets and falls in love with a younger woman, that may buy her time—and, of course, she can try to adopt children if she ends up with a same-age or older partner. Maybe she demands that he say or do certain things when communicating with his wife, thus overstepping her role in the dissolution of their marriage.
Maybe she insists on telling him what he should be getting in their divorce settlement or demonizes his wife whenever the topic of the divorce comes up. Let her know that you relate to how much better life seems when you go to sleep at night next to someone you love—and that she must really value having that in her life right now.
Ask her about the good things in the relationship and delight in her joy, because her joy is as real as your concern. If you make room between the two of you for a more balanced view of the relationship, both of you may be better able to tolerate the nuances of your relationships that feel so threatening to each of you right now for you, her happiness with her boyfriend; for her, your worries about him.
Sometimes when people are given the opportunity to talk openly in a safe and trusting context, they hear themselves more clearly, and they feel that an emotional burden they have been carrying alone has lifted. How are you feeling about that? Again: Just listen. I have no way of knowing from your letter whether this is a doomed relationship, but if it is, consider this: Most people who leave dead-end relationships do so not because somebody told them to—a parent, a close friend, a therapist—but because they were given the conditions in which to see their situation in all its complexity.
The most powerful truths—the ones people take the most seriously—are those they come to, little by little, on their own. With some helpful facilitation, your daughter will make the decision that feels right for her. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Popular Latest.
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